Im tearing apart but idk why i still have the love in my heart.

"Love is something that lasts forever"

I can't put trust in any of the guys anymore. I feel like tearing down and breaking apart. I feel like biting my own skin. I feel like killing myself. I feel like crushing my skull and eating my own brain. I feel like taking a big parang and stabbing into my ribcage till it's torn apart. This is how i feel when someone i love has lied to me over and over again.

What wrong have i did to you? I have been the patient one eventhough my ego is bigger than my body. I know im not good looking enough. I know that. You keep preferring to lie to me rather than telling me the truth. Ive loved you for so long and this is what happen when our 9monthsary is drawing near. Dear, i do hate you for lying to me. But what can i just do? Cry at the corner for help ? It's useless.

I keep advicing people to cheer up and have great trust in their boyfriend/girlfriend. I do put alot of trust in my boyfriend but he keeps dissappointing me with all these lies. Im breaking down dear, im breaking down. I love you so very much. And truthfully, this is my first ever 'true love' . The others were just ttms, or whatever you want to name it.

Eight months is alot of effort and trust that was put in . And i just don't want to let go of this relationship yet. I just can't. I can't help but to feel lonely. I mean, there are my girlfriends to support me, but at times they still need time to support themselves and their emotions.

Maybe this is what will happen if i keep bitching about other people. Baby, i can hold this any longer I want to bang the wall . I WANT TO BANG THE WALL . Ive been crying since last night, but tonight you have really dissappointed me. And yes, your friends are WAY IMPORTANT than your girlfriend (and this is how i feel) . My priority is you, you, you , you. But your priority is mat-ish guy friends. Which i despise the most. ARGH . So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

Im so very sad.

Im at helpless stake here .
Ya' Allah , tolong berikan aku kesabaran , kekuatan dan ketenangan.
I need my girlfriends badly , where are you girlfriends?
GIRLFRIENDS. I NEED YOU BADLY !!!!!!!!!! )':