My very last breath

Kau ibarat nafas hembusan yang terakhir .
You're just like my last breath .

Im just fvking pissed off today. I have no idea why

The missing piece is me.

Hey hello fellars, im back from Holland V.
Like i said, i pestered my mum to buy me a set of clothings (the least)
& she did. Hurray-ness. Well the top is a little bit retro-like . Hee :D

@ Malaysia's.
It took 4-5 hours to reach to our destination because of the fvking traffic jam.
Very teruk (terrible) lah the condition there, can die in the midst of the jams.
Hahaha . Then reached there ate dinner then slacked around.

So we got a mixed breed cow which is a mixture of a cow & a watter buffalow.
Decided to call it either brutal/Cowfallow. He was kind of camera shy in the starting. Pfft . So slept and god, i can't stand the way my uncle and my brother-in-law snores. Very very .. how to say. TERRIBLE LIKE SHIT . Got insomnia for that night, thinking about someone .

The next morning ate breakfast, went to Cowfallow and took pictures again. Then bathed then got ourselves ready . Went to see for the 'korban-ing' thingy . Well , all i could see was the leg moving and the blood flowing :/ I nearly teared..
Pfft, dont talk about it liao.

When back home and got ready to go SWENSENS. To celebrate both my Jie's birthday.
Eldest sister's birthday falls on the 27/11 and second jie is on the 28/11. Lawl.
Then ate ice-cream and stuffs . Went back home found out the truth when online till 12.30 plus. Thank you Ivy for being there :)

Played rock riot till i cooled down and tried to sleep. God, it was real tough.
All i had to do was to stop thinking about it & the weird thing is that, i
forgot how he looks like :/ It's THAT terrible .

That's all.
Heeehee , supercalifragisexy.

Pixchas for 27/11-28/11 (!)

At the Kampung ..


The first time we met cow + buffalow. Cowfallow .


He was hungry so he ate the grass there.


Cowfallow was kind of shy :/ Heee .


Bibik (my maid) is trying to fish him out so we can get to take pic w Cowfallow.


The next morning we took a picture w him. I haven't wash my face & stuffs. Imagine that.


Cowfallow's tag number .


He was so hungry in the morning he licked my sister's camera casing , cuteness!


Showing the tongue :P


The cat that has big ears that really resembles the bat/mouse .


A family picture with Cowfallow. The seven people riding on it during akhirat.


My very last picture with Cowfallow .






The chicken who flaired up when my sister wanted to touch it . Haha . Cute .


The cat who was partially blind , cute right? I wanted to bring it home, too bad it doesn't have an animal passport .











AT HOLLAND V'S SWENSENS.


Now i know where i get the smile from, it's from my dear Dad ! :D


In the v v v v cramped toilet .


Muscle woman ! :)




Frosted chocolate icecream , it nearly make me puke cause it was too chocolatey.


A nice sisterly photo, but it was destroyed with the spoon. The culprit, my brother-in-law.


The witch who just turned 22 today ! :D
Happy Birthday Ili Zafirah Ismail , ily !
Happy Birthday Izyan Ayuni Ismail , Ilyt!

Umph.

Ive just changed my blogskin . I ♥ it and so must you.
I won't be posting much now because i have to get all ready to go Holland V.
I shall pester mum to buy me some new clothings . Hee hee.

Anyway , i am so greatful that God has given me the patience yesterday when i was really in need of it. B is crying his heart out and having insomnia. Well that deserves him fuck well right .

I just realised that why do people realise only when they lose their loved ones .
Pfft.. life has to continue eventhough this is shredding me into teeny pieces.

To be confided.

Im tearing apart but idk why i still have the love in my heart.

"Love is something that lasts forever"

I can't put trust in any of the guys anymore. I feel like tearing down and breaking apart. I feel like biting my own skin. I feel like killing myself. I feel like crushing my skull and eating my own brain. I feel like taking a big parang and stabbing into my ribcage till it's torn apart. This is how i feel when someone i love has lied to me over and over again.

What wrong have i did to you? I have been the patient one eventhough my ego is bigger than my body. I know im not good looking enough. I know that. You keep preferring to lie to me rather than telling me the truth. Ive loved you for so long and this is what happen when our 9monthsary is drawing near. Dear, i do hate you for lying to me. But what can i just do? Cry at the corner for help ? It's useless.

I keep advicing people to cheer up and have great trust in their boyfriend/girlfriend. I do put alot of trust in my boyfriend but he keeps dissappointing me with all these lies. Im breaking down dear, im breaking down. I love you so very much. And truthfully, this is my first ever 'true love' . The others were just ttms, or whatever you want to name it.

Eight months is alot of effort and trust that was put in . And i just don't want to let go of this relationship yet. I just can't. I can't help but to feel lonely. I mean, there are my girlfriends to support me, but at times they still need time to support themselves and their emotions.

Maybe this is what will happen if i keep bitching about other people. Baby, i can hold this any longer I want to bang the wall . I WANT TO BANG THE WALL . Ive been crying since last night, but tonight you have really dissappointed me. And yes, your friends are WAY IMPORTANT than your girlfriend (and this is how i feel) . My priority is you, you, you , you. But your priority is mat-ish guy friends. Which i despise the most. ARGH . So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

So fucking fed up

Im so very sad.

Im at helpless stake here .
Ya' Allah , tolong berikan aku kesabaran , kekuatan dan ketenangan.
I need my girlfriends badly , where are you girlfriends?
GIRLFRIENDS. I NEED YOU BADLY !!!!!!!!!! )':

Helloh :D

In an hour's time im going to go Malaysia . And hell yeah, to see the cow being slaughtered *Mooooooooo~* . Anyway, B have yet to call me and i think that he'll be going malaysia abit later than mine. But he'll be in malaysia for a longer period than mine >:


Yesterday kept crying on the phone, idk why i was so emotional because every night i call him ma, then suddenly no one to talk to. I feel so .. lonely >: I've packed my bag, and currently charging my phone. Camera , checked. Sketchbook and drawing materials, checked. What else? Idk


byebye.

Missing you very much my dear.

Helloh readers :)
It's time for me to post , in the middle of e night. Hahaha .
Anyway, i somehow miss my long hair , because i am used to tying my hair and curling it and etc. Gawd . But it's been a long time since i had my hair short , i think since primary three/four ? Haha :) Well everyone said i look great with this new haircut . And well, thank you.

Just now wanted to go causeway to catch 2012 ..
but i was very lazy to travel so i watched it at Westmall's . Imma weird person.
More about ..

2012 the movie. I mean, the movie actually shows 'the end of the world' , somehow humans can be alive ? (well i wanted to put a 100 question marks here) , i mean it's the end of the world, surely it's the end of us. Nobody can escape from 'the end of the world'. Serious , and you can't predict it's exactly on the 21st December 2012.

Well.. scientist/geographers (?) / (insert all those bigshot names) have actually predicted that this year it's the end of the world. But did it really happen on the 9th of September 2009 ? No right? It's dumb right stupid . Yes, they may be smart. But, are they god? Are they the one who created us? No. So i think they better stop spreading and making people all worried and terrified on this particular day.

Well, the movie was just an okay-okay kind of thing . I don't see the 'wahh'-ness in this movie, and why everyone is talking about it? Zzz . Wasted b's 6 bucks just to catch this stupid movie. Hurhur . Other than that, i love the bonding time me and my B had together.

Way before the movie started, my cousin was like practically following wherever we went. I got sort of pissed off because we usually need our 'private' time together. I mean i feel uneasy when a someone i know is staring at me being with him. I don't know how to explain my feelings but hell does B know how i felt. Pfffffffffffffffffffttttttt .... whatever.

When i was walking to the 'waffle shop', i saw Khairi's brother , Afi . I don't know whether he recognises me but i think he does because he had the shocked expression on his face when saw me. Maybe because of my new haircut or maybe because B was beside me. OR maybe i was just imagining things. I don't give a hoot yeah :D

B loved my hair to the max. He said i look fresher, cuter all those mushy wushy cushy trushy whatever-shy words. Hahah , but he loiked my long hair when it was curled. Yes B, i miss my 'have-to-curl-with-a-curler-long-hair'. Hahahah :)

B is leaving to Malaysia's in two days time. He'll be back by December or maybe aft december. Well , im so going to miss his companiance from thursday onwards. (I feel like a loner w/o his companiance) . Anyway , eventhough the mum invited me to go Malaysia with them and she was willing to pay for my ticket and all the costs , i kindly rejected because i don't and i doubt mum would let me go. Haizzz...........

I have left with one more paper,which is Arab & Jawi .
I am missing B already eventhough we just had a long chat half an hour ago.

Done and over with it.

Oral over.

Diyanah paper over.

Sirah & Ahlak today taking.

Arab & Jawi tomorrow taking.

Two papers to go ! :D Zomg zomg. Psle is going to end soon :)

Anws, after today's paper im going to meet B . Going to watch 2012 movie w him uh . I know imma bit outdated, but whatever. Mum have not been really supportive of me hanging out unless it is in the neighborhood kinda thing . Whatever.

House bills have shot up 12 bucks, and it's because i called B late at night , so i had to pay Dad 12 bucks, but Dad gave me chance and told me not to do it again :) I guess he knows i have a boyfriend already, he seems okay with it.. i guess.

Today is going to be the first time i am going to take neoprints w B . Lol , i guess he would be laughing at my retarded hair . Hurhur . He also got a haircut, so i can make fun of it too. Too bad lah B, fire fight with fire ! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Nothing much happen la these days, just that Lindah have yet to contact me on whether she would be following me later. I smsed her, she didn't reply because i knew that her prepaid was lowlowlow . But i told her to call my house phone, she didn't call until today. Sheesh .

Might hang out with her some other time . Hahah :D

Okay buaibuaix.

Im off to take some notes in E pendidikan for last minute revisions.

Chiaochinchow :O

100hour movie marathon .

HELLO :)

Im back to posting , yeah it's 9.15 in the bright morning . Well , yesterday went to support my sissy's boyfriend at Plaza Singapura. But in the end, me and Lindah got too caught up with taking pictures. Muahaha :) Anyway , Shah (sissy's bf) managed to watch movie for 51 hours 49 minutes (w/o sleeping from thurs until ystd night) . Well, that's a very good effort! The last movie he watched was the Phantom of The Opera , which made he sleep because it was too B.O.R.I.N.G. Well, he's the top 11 from the rest, there were a hundred of 'em.

Okay that's all i guess. I mean the morning is freezing cold. Brr . Hahahha . I have yet to eat my breakfast, and nobody's online . Pfft . Anyway, yeah . Had alot of fun. And on Tuesday maybe going out w B and maybe Fathin or Lindah or .. Idk , who wants to follow? Text me hor. Thou i can't reply because of my fucking keypad. Hahahah .

Byebye ,

finally i deleted that SAIFUL from friendster :)

Great achievement for me, because he's such a jerk.

If he's reading this, LET HIM REALISE THAT.

And btw, is not Saiful from Bukit View's.

Picxture :)

The twinkies we ate , always get yerrow colour de.

Smile :)

Smiling w teeth while fatin digging for more twinkies.
(look at her hand, it looks so totally wrong)

What a corourfoo world. Lol, twinkies are so luvd!

I somehow hate my chubby cheeks -_-'

Lol, pointing to what also idk .

Rock never dies ?

Tra-la-la . Don't touch my tra-la-la (random)

While walking to the Ahpek/Mama's shop.

Awexomeeeeness.

KARAOKE'in WITH FATIN WAS AWEXOME.

She somehow made my day :)

We watched teevee.

We watched cartoons .

We bling-ed (!) our handphones with jewelry stickers.

We played computer .

We did a small 'birthday online' card for Fathin dearie @ Ratemydrawings.

We ate vanilla ice cream that jie gave me.

We ate roti pratas at the nearby kopitiam near my house.

We ate chocolates while lazing around under blocks.

We took alot of random pictures.

We karaoked M2M songs, westlife songs, Matta band songs, alot more songs.

We thanked god that it rained so sepak takraw boys didn't play sepak takraw.

We thanked god for not getting disturbed by those hooligans.

We had so much fun on a stupid dumb friday !

We are no lesbies.

Byebye, later i shall elaborate further.

Haven't call B to check on him whether he have eaten his lunch .

Hope he gets well soon , i miss him so v much >:

View My Drawing

Haircutz.

I have been getting alot of positive comments for my new hair cut. I guess it suits me pretty well :D Hehehe . Well very honoured in a way. I'm still wondering why Fathin (twinny) is not celebrating her birthday tomorrow >: I've prepared a birthday card for her already. Well, tomorrow shall give it to her face-to-face bah.

Anyway , HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY TO AFIQ :D

and HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FATHIN (twinny) :D

Shall elaborate it tomorrow yeah :D Weeehooooo .

@Khaliesa's: I guess i can make it to the class outing . Hahha . I shall spread the word around :D

@dijah: Shall cheer up alright .Thanks bestie :D

@Myrahh : Thanks yawh. Your haircut nicer lor. ILOIKEYOURHAIR :D

@lynn's : Yeah, im taking art next year as a combi.

@Sharifah's : Thank you :D

@Ivyy's: Aiyo, look younger but who more chio? You what.

@Fath's: Hahah, yeap new hairstyle ! I like your hair man. Want to exchange? Thanks :D Hehe.

@RachelNg: Hahah, that was a random comment but thanks yawh ! :D

@Nurf's: Why ? Is there something that's bugging you? Don't be sad okay. Soon-to-be-birthday girl.

Concavity (got such word?)

Yeap, i cut my hair concaved. Thanks to jie , she said i look better with concave cause i look rather boring with long hair . Hahaha !

Do comment on my new hairstyle . Byebye .

Moodswings / Relationships .

Im just going to post what i feel alright. I don't feel good today .

I just felt the sudden urge to cry . I realise that i am not who i used to be. I know, i used to be a cry baby and such, but i was happy with who i was. I was the happy-go-lucky, the one who always want to join different different competitions to get different kinds of exposures. Now, i don't really cry much but who am i kidding? I don't think im happy at all. Everyone is asking me to break up with Y , and say he's not suitable for me and such. But were you all there for me when i was really down? When i felt like committing suicide ? When i felt like killing myself ? He was there for me, but not all the times but most of it.

People wanted me to change my bitchy attitude, and i did. And now im finding for my happiness, you people ask me to break with him. So what if he's from a lower stream ? He's trying his best to improve himself . I just don't see why you people don't accept him. I feel like crying now. If i can't be happy then should i be sad for all my life ? Should I ?
Im just clueless of what you people want from me . Seriously. Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Maybe im just too young and immature to experience all this bf/gf thing.
:'( :'( :'(

Fuck you moodswing, fuck you.
I don't like who i am today. I am not happy with who i am now.

Flunking in life.

Lazy to post uh, but whatever. Currently talking to Khairi dude. Bleah . He said he got into triple science . My message : Triple science or Nipple science.? Lol :D

I think i should know how to make love is something innocent without leaving my fingerprints .. currently listening to Starstrukk featuring K.Perry . I don't know where my phone is now . Bleah. Thank you B for waking me up @ 6.30am . Hahah , half an hour earlier than expected. He finally changed for the better. Thank you B , I Y you :)

Me : I call your home phone , engaged. I tried to contact you for nearly an hour okay!
Him: I'm Sorry.
Me : Fine uh, like this i also don't want to talk uh .
Him : B .. Sayang.. Im sorry .
Me : Tsk.
Him : B, i don't want to fight today. B , I love you and i don't want to lose you .
Me : *Heart melts but pretending to be angry* Yahyah (Hahah, im such an egoist)

Btw i screwed up my PSLEs. Screwed it up totally. Yesterday i screwed up at the Al Quran part, today i screwed up the solat part. I got too tensed and mixed everything up. *Poof* Flunking in my PSLEs. I need to do my very best for the written papers. Pfft pffft pffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Okay , eventhough Afiq is at China's. I would like to wish him a very Happy 14th Birthday , which falls on 19thNov. Have fun @ China , dude. Hahaha . Okay and happy birthday to Fatin's friend which is actually tomorrow ! I don't know how old the friend is but HAPPY BIRTHDAY la k. hahaha.

This used to be a fun house , and now it's full with evil clowns .
I'm so going to burn this fucker down.

The way you smile .

Headlines : I FEEL LIKE KILLING MUHD. KHIDHIR BIN ANWAR !!
because he didn't attend the St. Anthony's Alumni shitty stuff, omg lah.
He told me to go when he himself never go, wah kanasai ! Call his house no one.
Call his phone, cannot be relied on at all. Grrrrr .

Good afternoon readers. So let's post about yesterday aye. In the early morning woke up, showered then got ready for religious class . Well, didn't intend to go , but what to do? Psle is just starting tomorrow, and i didn't revise at all for Al Quran part. Blahblah .

Went home slacked and slacked . Sat beside jie and was webcamming with Alyph, from Sleeq (girls usually go gaga over him). So we did random stuffs and Alyph did the 'kening up down'. Then Alyph got to go kedai go buy someth lor , so we got bored of waiting and started to camwhore . Hahah , went gila over it -.-'

Asked Jie whether they want to go for the Alumni shitty stuff at St. Anthony's. Second jie agreed. In the end she backed out because of her lazy-ness. Hurhur.

Met Amira there, then walked around slacked here and there. Go eat some random food . Food all okay-okay only. Went to Campfire, sang all those bullshit scouts songs. Then didn't want to take part in those lame shit stuff went under block lepak and talked about guys and the past. Hahah :) That's all. Even Mel Senior didn't really talk to me yesterday. Hurhur.

So here you go, a pathetic picture.
The three girls (other than me) are my seniors in the primary school band.
My trombone senior is the one wearing black with greeny words.



Here were some random pictures we took withthe lappy.
While Alyph was away at the shop .